How to Stop Being a Loser

Mar 9, 2013 by

How to Stop Being a Loser

You know what the short answer is? Don’t be a loser. Simple as that.

Are you mad because I am not giving you a terribly long essay about how to change your behaviors and thinking patterns? Are you mad that I don’t have it all in nice steps for you? Well be mad.

The reason I am giving it to you in a short and simple format is to prevent you from over analyzing because that’s what really kills ya.

Stop over analyzing  stop thinking negatively about yourself, stop for a moment. Just stop and sit down somewhere and if you are already sitting down then just stop and by stopping I mean slow down your thoughts, try to clear your mind.

Now that you have cleared it all out let me ask you something? How do you think someone who is NOT a loser is different from you? What is the MAIN thing that differentiates you from him or her. Is it the clothes? Is it the cool car? Is it the swagger? Is the social group that he or she is in? What is it really? Ask yourself that please and ask yourself that question honestly.

I’ll give you some time for it. Think for a while…

Assuming that you took your time and thought about it (but most probably you didn’t and you are just continuing your reading) I will now give you the answer. You know what it is? MINDSET. That’s right, it’s the mindset nothing else. He or she BELIEVES that he or she is cool, you on the other hand BELIEVE that you are a loser.

As you see both being cool or being a loser come from the same place, that being the place of your inner beliefs. I don’t know what happened to you in your life but most probably something happened which lead you to believe that you are not good enough. This mostly happens to people who are sensitive and that is absolutely fine, there is nothing wrong with that.

Now the ONLY way I can help you is to tell you that you need to start taking baby steps to change your beliefs about yourself. That’s all. Unless you somehow magically snap out of your “I am such a loser” role and transfer yourself into “I am the man” role which most of the time does not happen, but hey there is no harm in trying.

We BECOME the role that we play. Remember that! If you believe that you are a badass and you play that role for a while then you will stick to that role and it will feel true to your nature. We are not what we think we are because in fact we are NOTHING, all we are is an accumulation of memories, thoughts, perspectives and beliefs. The greatest thing about us human beings is that we also have AWARENESS which gives us the power to CHANGE ourselves.

So wake up, and start taking baby steps such as joining different groups and clubs, socializing with others, working on your style, working on your movement, educating yourself about this world, making friends and learning about their differences, making friends not just with your own gender but also with the opposite and learning about their similarities and differences.

This world is such a vast and mysterious place that there is NO time to be trapped in this “I am a loser” role. You are not a loser, you are not cool, you are  NOTHING. The only thing you are is what YOU want yourself to be consciously.

Go out there and explore this world, when you do that these type of problems will disappear from your life.

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  • Sean

    Very brave article to write. It puts into perspective a lot of things and I think I can safely say I am no longer a loser lol

    • InnovaTonic

      Of course you are not!

      You are only a loser if you THINK you are, and quite frankly it is extremely difficult to remove that ideas just like that.

      Takes some time, but once you do get rid of it there is no stopping you :)

  • Samantha

    One of the best things I could recommend is travelling! I would have to say its the only thing that makes you richer in life. Forget money go travel live your life! Great article to btw

    • InnovaTonic

      Traveling is definitely on my list, once I graduate from college, have a decent job I should definitely travel around before getting back into schooling for Masters and so on and so forth.

      It is definitely eye-opening, in a way it lets you experience the overview effect that a lot of astronauts experience while they are in space gazing at our planet earth.

  • Andrew

    I think you’re talking more along the line of being confident of one self, but I’m afraid being confident doesn’t always mean you’re not a loser. I’m sure confidence brings about lots of positive things to a person’s life, but confidence alone isn’t enough. You need to backup that confidence with substance. For example, you can be as confident as you’d like about your ability to run a business, but if you haven’t studied management or business, then chances are your confidence will only carry you so far. Also, just because you think you’re cool, it doesn’t make you cool. This is a good advice to the losers who just don’t have any confidence in themselves, but if they don’t have anything to backup their brash attitude, then they’ll just go back to being losers again.

    • InnovaTonic

      Well if you believe that you are really good at business then you are not confident but rather delusional. Of course it is considered as confidence but is not a healthy one – and in this article I am talking about healthy confidence.

      I do accept the fact that I didn’t make it clear enough but that’s what I was trying to demonstrate – healthy confidence which comes out of experience and shifting of one’s beliefs.

      What do you think?

      • Andrew

        Fair enough, but your description of snapping out of the loser’s mentality on this article was somewhat lacking context. It read more like that book Secret, which is saying that you can be whatever you want to be if you just think about it. To be fair you didn’t go as far as that book, but suffice to say there a little more to unbecoming a loser than just snapping out of that mentality. Your advice on joining different groups and clubs, socializing with others, those are all good, but more often than not the losers have a lot more to change than just their attitude or their daily routine. By the way, this is coming from a self-admitted former loser.

        • InnovaTonic

          haha aren’t we all losers at one time or another? I do agree that there is much more to be changed about a person and it is NOT simply the change of beliefs, BUT that is only true because one cannot change one’s beliefs before changing one’s attitude.

          That’s a very important point – let me expand on it a little further.

          A person can only believe in something when there is at least SOME evidence – therefore when one’s behavior changes from shy and introverted into more confident and extroverted this stands as evidence for that person.

          Now that person CAN believe into this idea that he or she is not a loser because of the evidence.

          However if one truly snaps out of it without having to change one’s behavior (and there are some rare cases for that for example Eckhart Tolle) then there it is. The final result without all that hard work.

          Bottom line is this – we are looking for PERMISSION to allow ourselves to be whoever we want to be. This permission could be accessed easily or not so easily – that all depends on the person and their individual, unique choices.

          Let me know what you think.

          • Benjamin

            I gotta say I agree with @InnovaTonic:disqus on this one. It is true that you have to back up your confidence with substance as Andrew puts it, but how will you do that unless you change your attitude and start having some pride in yourself? It starts with the right mentality and you follow it up with actions. It’s not really hard to understand.

          • InnovaTonic

            Exactly intellectualizing it is not hard at all, but the actual doing of the process could be much tougher. Takes time, and what it takes most of all is a WILL to change.

          • InnovaTonic

            Exactly, which is why I said that you need to give yourself permission after which you will be more motivated to change yourself.

            It’ll give you the necessary incentive for a change.

    • Hailey

      I think Andrew’s a loser and he probably is unhappy about everything in life. This article is about positivity and it has nothing too specific about running a business or being cool. It’s pretty clear to me reading this article that the author wants to instill courage and confidence to his readers and I’m in total agreement with that. I don’t know why you have to twist his words to spread your unhappy agenda to all of us. I’m sure I’m not the only one that doesn’t enjoy people who look for problems where there is none.

      • InnovaTonic

        Thanks for understanding the message @b2eb7e70b85f9148eee48987e2ae16f7:disqus! Let’s see who else agrees or disagrees. It’s funny how people’s personal bias doesn’t let them understand or accept even positive messages.

        But the beauty of debating is that it lets both sides think about the opposite view which is where development comes in :)

        • Carlos

          I’m glad that you’re taking the high road on this @InnovaTonic:disqus Andrew could have made some good points, but instead he chose to rant about his bias and basically put words in your mouth. I don’t understand why he can’t see the positiveness of embracing self-love and self-respect. I don’t want to attack Andrew any further, but I think Hailey might have a point here.

          • InnovaTonic

            It takes time to start being aware of those things – that’s why I try to be as understanding as possible with everybody.

            There were times when I was not aware of them and other people were understanding with me.

            Just paying it forward! :)

  • Stranger

    Is it strange that someone knows or admits of being a loser? Because that’s exactly what I am, a loser. I’ve wasted all of my twenties with booze and girls. I’m about to put an end to my thirties with a part time job and a small room in a basement for a home. I look back and I have so many regrets. I’m too old now to try anything new and I don’t have anything or anyone that can help me become someone better. It’s a repetition of working a dead end job, getting paid measly salary, barely surviving the week, and doing the same thing again the next week. My only escape is the internet that I can access thanks to a neighbor who has absolutely no idea about wireless network security. Where do people like me end up eventually? I’ve seen people like me, they either become homeless or they die young to never be heard ever again. I’m a perpetual loser and this is how I’ll conclude my life.

    • InnovaTonic

      You answered your own question in the last paragraph – “I’m a perpetual loser and this is how I’ll conclude my life.”

      It is not strange to admit your own faults however it IS very wrong to keep repeating them in your head over and over again.

      See here is the difference – when you admit your faults and then you say OKAY now it is time for me to work on them it is different from admitting your faults and saying oh I am so terrible, there is nothing that could fix me. You fall into the trap of self-indulgence, you go deeper and deeper into your negative self-talk until you become what you talk about in your head.

      Remember when you play a ROLE for long enough you become that role.

      Have you ever heard of the expression – fake it until you make it? Well there. If you fake it and act like a successful, fun, respected person you MIGHT feel a little uncomfortable at first because it might seem unnatural to you – BUT as the time goes by you will become that role. It will become your natural self.

      Remember you are NOTHING, the only thing you are is what you want yourself to be.

      If you decide to be a loser you will be a loser, if you decide to be a winner you will be a winner. I wish you luck, and if you have anymore questions let me know :)

      • Victor

        You pretty much took the words right out of my mouth! I was thinking I’d say it this way, lol –

        If you look at your life and realize that you’re a loser, whatever. It happens to the best of us. All it means is that you have to take inventory of your life, decide what brought you to your current state, what’s keeping you there, and what you want to leave behind and what you’d like to carry with you. Just because you are a loser doesn’t mean you have to keep being a loser!

        Basically, all you’re admitting right now is that one day, you’re going to look back and be able to see a time when you were a loser. We’ve all had loser moments, so it’s not a big deal at all.

        • InnovaTonic

          Absolutely, there is nothing wrong with being a loser at one point or another. It is always a learning process.

          That’s why I made this site so that all of us can come together and help each other out to understand things that we might not have otherwise :)

    • Dominic

      Unfortunately you’re most likely gonna continue being a loser and you’ll fulfill your prediction, thus making Nostradamus look foolish with your 100 percent accurate prediction rate. I might sound harsh but people like you are very predictable and that’s why it makes it so easy for most of us to rise above you. The world is filled with bloodhounds and they do a great job at finding the wounded and the weaklings. The only difference between you and an animal that’s being hunted is that we choose not to eat you, but we do make you do our dirty work for us. Continue feeling sorry for yourself, know your place, and go out of this world as peacefully as you can when the time comes. There’s no place for the likes of you where I am. I condone failure, but weak pussies like you disgust me.

      • InnovaTonic

        haha no need to be so rude, even though being rude at times can be a good wake up call – like when your couch talks smack on you to make you better.

        This place is for all of us to ask genuine questions and get helpful answers.

        Let’s try to keep it positive shall we? ;)

      • Aiden

        Hey that’s just uncalled for. The man’s already down on his knees and you gonna kick him again while he’s down? While you do say some useful things, the way you deliver the message won’t help anyone. You’re mean spirited and downright hateful. There are many factors that can turn a person’s life into something less than respectful and one doesn’t have to be a loser to have his or her life turn bad. Give him a pep talk if you’d like, but kicking a man while he’s down is just dirty. You my friend are a loser in my book!

        • Marc

          Mean = yes. Loser? I don’t think we can call that from this comment, I don’t know the guy so he might very well be a rockstar for all I know :) Yeah, maybe Dominic didn’t need to say it so bluntly, but then again he isn’t obligated to sugar it up either. The truth in it is clear. I wouldn’t doom the original poster though. Maybe that’s the way he’s feeling right now, like a loser, but people can always change. Unless, as the original poster kind of states, he’s not going to. I don’t see why anyone would ever give up on themselves like that, but then again that’s really what separates losers and winners in my opinion. No one loses or wins until the game is totally over, and I’m still playing!

          Lol @ the Nostradamus comment, so true!

    • David R

      Loser’s mindset will give you loser’s attitude, and loser’s attitude will lead you live the life of a loser, so I suppose you’re a loser if you have the mindset of a loser. Wait.. is that the same as saying you’re a loser if you’re a loser? LOL. Stranger, you don’t have to continue being a loser. Allow yourself to get angry at the people who enjoy seeing you suffer like this and channel that anger into something positive. Work your ass off to get yourself out of the shithole you call your home first, clean after yourself, dress up like a professional, stop being lazy and work full time, get a better job, and start improving yourself one step at a time. I’ve seen people turn things around in their 60’s, you’re too young to give up on your life like that.

  • Noah

    I wouldn’t call myself a loser, but I’m pretty close to that. I have a hard time making new friends and even with my friends I sometimes get too reluctant to do things together. It’s the same story at work, I barely know anyone at work and I mostly keep to myself. People probably think that I’m some sort of a weirdo, but I just have a tough time opening myself up to people. It’s always been like this for me as far back as I can remember. Preschool, elementary school, middle school, high school, and even in college. I want to change but I’ve never been able to. I don’t consider myself a loser still, but I’m sure many others around me do.

    • Renee

      Noah, I don’t think that makes you a loser. Some people just aren’t really *friendly* in the mainstream sense of the word. If you’re lonely, then I would definitely recommend going about changing some things in your circumstance to bring new people into your life, but there are plenty of us that simply enjoy our own company and have few, but very close friends and are happy with that :)